There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
