when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
