thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I believe in your delicious
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
