Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
