why didn't you poke me back
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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