I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
