I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
