She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
