she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
