Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
