dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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