Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
