There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize