We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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