Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
