I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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