I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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