bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
