I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
