I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
