Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize