We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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