Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
