sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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