Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
