tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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