Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
