She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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