I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
