What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
