Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
