Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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