at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
