Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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