How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
