I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sarcasm needs its own font
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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