You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
