Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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