I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my phone needs a breathalizer
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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