I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
