I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
