There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
