Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish my penis had a tongue
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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