I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
