Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
