come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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