heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
