Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
