So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
