Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
