I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
