he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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