i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
