Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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