There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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