My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
