OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
