party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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