This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
PANTIES FOUND
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