I just threw up on my dentist
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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