you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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