when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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