happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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