so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
