Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
