What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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