Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
