def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
