Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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