So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can I color on your dick again?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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