i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
