did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
