I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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