Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
