Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize