You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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