I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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