I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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