You can't motorboat a personality
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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