I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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