Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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