watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Four minutes until I can fart!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
