Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
