you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
