I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
