I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize