she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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