Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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