3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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