mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
