shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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