Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Will exercising make me less horny?
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