That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
