Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
