Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
