I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
