Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
