We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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