I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
