my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
