Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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