Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
