I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
