since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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