you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
